Paper 1, Question 1
April 19, 2022
Dear Mr. President,
I am coming to you because the planet needs your help. As can be seen, the disastrous wild fire that occurred in Notre-Dame Cathedral which is located in Paris earlier this year, had received billions of dollars in donations from people located all around the world, which was beyond generous and outstanding of these people to help repair the structural damage that was caused. Nonetheless, there is another disastrous fire occurring in a very important landmark in the world, The Amazon and the support from social media and donations are not the same.
More than one and a half soccer fields of land are being burned to the ground every minute which is heartbreaking. The Amazon rainforest isn't just some rainforest, it provides 20% of our earth's oxygen into the atmosphere.
The people who are here supporting the help for The Amazon are getting very frustrated with our world, that it is taking weeks for action to be taken.
The thick smoke is taking over cities such as Sao Paulo, which is affecting things such as flights. It is our responsibility to make sure this will not get any worse.
Thank you, Victoria Munnelly
1B.
The news report and my paper have similarities and differences throughout. As for the structure of my paper, the news report was writing in chronological order but the main difference was that my paper was addressed as a letter so there was no written title, I had written the date and who my letter is going to as well as signing off which included my name, as the other piece was a news report which did not include any of that. I had written my paper in a similar way, including the short paragraphs, as well as linear progression of the information regarding the Notre-Dame fire to The Amazon Rainforest fire.
Due to my writing piece being a letter, there are different types of writing between a letter and a news report. As for the news report it is all factual information that is being written to spread awareness, but as for a letter it is information mixed with a persuasive purpose, as well as to inform the reader.
The form of the news report was written with a headline that also included bolding of the headline which said ‘When a fire destroyed the Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris, the world knew in three minutes. But this most recent disaster has divided the internet. ‘ This is a great headline because it helps grab the reader's attention about what the news report is going to be about and to make the paper sound interesting.
As for the language that was being used throughout my paper vs. the news report. I had used strong words that had added emotion to my writing such as ‘heartbreaking’ this added pathos to my writing. Other words that created this emphasis are ‘disastrous’ ‘frustrating’ and ‘affecting.’ This is similar to the news report, since the words that they had used were similar, such as ‘catastrophe’ which was used over and over again to help describe the emotion in this devastation. Another example which has a similar meaning is ‘devouring’ which was used in the report.
Additionally, my letter if more formal rather than the news report, this is because my letter is being written to the president, so it would not be written as informal. The news report would be more informal because its audience is more broad and not someone who is more important.
Overall, the writing between the news report and my letter were very similar, but had minimal differences throughout.
Hi Victoria, your letter to the president was very persuading and full of good facts and
ReplyDeleteinformation. I liked how you included information from the news report to strengthen all of your arguments. For example “20% of our earth’s oxygen.” For AO1, I would then give you 4 marks since all of your points were very relevant and clear. You picked good essential information which is good in your letter since it draws the more emotional aspect of it. For AO2, all of your ideas were developed in a clear and understandable manner. You started off focusing on the Notre Dame cathedral burning which was a good opening, and then finish it off by connecting the Amazon Rainforest and the destruction as a call to action for the president. I would then give you 3 marks even though I feel like your information was organized and written very persuasively. The beginning had too much unnecessary information about the cathedral on fire which the French president would already be aware of this issue. You could also mention at the end specifically what ways he can help and what should be done. Your total for Part A would be 7 marks.
In part b, you identified many similarities and differences between your letter and the news report and then were correctly able to back it up with supporting evidence. While all your information was good, I feel like it could have been more detailed about the form, structure, and language and included more points with each. As well as more direct quotes from the texts to strengthen your argument even more. You identified the emotional word “catastrophe” but could’ve included why you and the writer used this emotional language and what this does for the reader. I would then give you 4 marks on AO1 and 6 marks on AO3 since you had a clear understanding of the texts but could have included more detail. Your total for part b would then be 10 points. Making your overall 17/25 which is very good!